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[shadowblends]

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[also for random stuff that doesn't need a meme or things like tfln overflow.]

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[shadowblends]

[or the best? maybe. depends on the situation. (...yes, but kurt would never call scott that! unless there are extenuating circumstances.)]

like the dark web? that's some extra crazy stuff there.

drugs, injections and pills i've heard of, but how does one sleep because of an ice pack?
and besides, i'd rather sleep naturally, so like, melatonin or valerian root would be my choices. [at least he's taken the safest advice? hopefully.]

most food, but there are some things out there that smell awful and yet taste really great!
like this weird alcohol one of my other teammates got once! it had the most terrible scent... then when we tried it, it was actually really good!
which was weird, but i'd try it again. maybe some of the other flavors, too.

me too, even though i'm sure they wouldn't give much of an explanation before simply attacking. good thing i've got a quick way to escape.

[he is absolutely an innocent, naive dork, but also fun! and hey, in his scott's defense, the guy does know how to have fun sometimes.]

[fuckingburned]

[Well, yes, in that view, the fucking best encouragement ever! (Don’t worry, Damien’ll call him that for Kurt if he meets Scott and finds out. Whoops.)]

Exactly. That shit’s not just nasty, it’ll usually just fuck your computer up for no reason. It’s a blast watching someone else get bombed through it!

Omg, Kurt. You bash them in the face with the ice pack hard enough to knock them out! Then put it on the 2x4 bruise. [This is his logic. You may run anytime.]
Melata-what and valer-who? The fuck are those and where can I get some? They seriously put people to sleep? [He thinks you’re talking tranquilizers and drugs.]

Hah, yeah there are. Wow, I’m surprised you drink. Alcohol at least. Any idea what the drink was?

We had this really fucking nasty meal at the cafeteria. Smelled like rotten garbage in a sweaty gym sneaker dipped in skunk ass. But it tasted so damn good! We had to staple our noses shut to get through it.

People who attack like that just fucking suck. If I ever see those people, I’ll torch them along with the van.

[Kurt is fun! Damien likes chatting with him. Probably not a good influence on Kurt, but hey, the demon’s fun too! He’ll give Scott first-impression’s chance whenever he meets him.]

[shadowblends]

[yes, thank you, damien. because that's exactly what he needs: scott questioning the other company he keeps besides the x-men and then judging him later on.]

every time we talk about this kind of stuff, it only reminds me that you and i have a very different definition of 'fun.'

that's not [no, just don't argue. it'll be easier in the long run to humor him.] the worst idea, i guess?
melatonin and valerian, damien. they're natural sleep-aids, by the way. not something you'd buy in a dark alleyway or from someone in a parking lot.

why's it so surprising? i'm not a total square, you know! it was called 'necromangocon.' honey wine made with mango and black pepper.

[what a way to describe a meal.] sounds disgusting and might be a bit too much if you had to staple your nose shut to eat it?
i'd rather eat pizza or chili-fries! at least i know those are safe.
even if they aren't... good for you, technically.

not going to lie, i'd probably stand back and read a book while pretending like i don't see anything.

[great, he's already learning bad things. one of these days, they'll all have to get together and hit up some poor store (or two or three).]

[fuckingburned]

[Look, if Scott’s got a problem with your company, Kurt, your company’ll give Scott even bigger, burnier problems. Judgmental people end up getting trashed fast.]

Of course! We’d be the same person if we didn’t and that’s no fucking fun. But we both like going to the mall, right?

[Though Kurt can leave the mall without someone having to put out a fire when he does… ANYWAYS!]

Nope! I’ve got plenty of great ideas like that.

[Back to medications and drugs.]

Shit, I thought it was something hush hush. Oh well. We could still spike the soda fountain with them.

I can see you drinking a Slurpee or a soda, but a bottle of beer or a cocktail? I’m gonna need to see this. And that sounds fucking gross… Why the pepper? If you want it hot, pour on some hotsauce and light it on fire! It’s alcohol, right?

[And now Damien’s thinking about getting Spooky and Xavier’s together for lunch… which will end up in the fucking biggest disaster Kurt’s probably ever going to see outside of actual warfare. Will the lunchroom get wrecked? Will the school blow up? Will someone open a portal to a dimension of nothing but sapient spaghetti noodles with a horrible case of STDs and dreams of world domination? … Yes, possibly, to all three. And that’s not even going to whatever the mutants and monsters are going to actually be eating.]

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. But fuck, pizza and chili-fries sound so damn good right now. I haven’t had a pizza in over a month! And what do you mean it’s not good for you? It’s fucking food! Bread, potatoes, tomatoes, cheese, spices, meat! Jeeze.

But sure, you enjoy the book. There’ll be plenty of light to read it by, hahaha! We can eve go on a joyride in the van afterwards. If it survives.

[He can learn all the bad things he wants; it’s up to Kurt to act on them. It’s not like Damien’ll push Kurt (hard) to help him find out which shirt in the store is the least flammable. Buuut, there’s the chance that the blue German might be able to talk the red Hellion out of his arsonist-tendencies while they’re together.]

[shadowblends]

[damien, please don't set his friends on fire, even if scott could likely hold his own. it would only be, like, "hey, i think your friend is a bad influence." which isn't totally wrong? sooo.]

except you're red and i'm blue. we do both like doing that, though.

[true, true... but where's the fun in not having fires to put out?]

yes, i'm sure you do. [and that's all he'll say on that.]

it's nothing like that. i mean, if you want to make everyone sleep? sure, go for it.

ah! i love slurpees and soda! the icy cold is great, but the brainfreezes? not so much.
and i like how bubbly the carbonation in soda is. maybe that's why i like beer?
i don't know? though you can't really taste the pepper. it's a mostly fruity flavor.
it is, but i think alcohol has to be a certain proof to actually burn. there are drinks that are on fire when you order them, though.

[poor kurt would likely end up in a ceiling corner somewhere, watching everything go to hell beneath him and praying everything turns out okay-- then it'd probably be like apocalypse all over again and speedsters/spooky's equivalents would have to save everyone from explosions. at least sentient spaghetti noodles could be blown up or something? please, let lunch be freaking sandwiches at that point.]

i suppose... and yeah, don't they? might be time to make a splurge.
the grease, damien. there's so much of it? that kind of counteracts the fact is has almost all the major food groups.
but it's worth it, so it's one thing i'll keep eating, no matter what.

oh my gosh, that's an awful joke. [but he snorted anyway? whoops.] a joyride in a flaming vehicle? hmmm, not sure about that one.

[if there is any chance he could talk damien out of setting things on fire, you can bet that'd be his first priority. although, kurt could very well likely be talked into some mischief in return. perhaps a fair exchange?]

[fuckingburned]

[He’s not a bad influence! He’s a chaotic neutral freedom influence! … Okay so he’s a bad influence. He’d still demand Scott prove it. Then likely think those are compliments and not see a problem with it whatsoever. Monster world meets human/mutant world. Fabulous.]

Oh. Well duh. That’s obvious. [That’s what he’s saying! It’s way more fun to watch people scramble to put out the fires. And fail. The better part.] C’mon Kurt. You can’t think of anything fun to do with the entire school sleeping and no one guarding anything? We could trick out the fucking lawnmower and put a truck engine in it! Tie grenades to people’s shoe laces. Pile all the food in the middle of the cafeteria and then watch them fight over it! Hell, we could steal everyone’s phones and then hold them for ransom.

And we could go out for Slurpees afterwards. [Yes, he is a demon and he knows it.]

You get brain freezes? What do they feel like? I’ve only heard of them. Does your brain really turn to ice and then leak out your ears like water when it melts? [Hard for him to get a brain freeze when he’s got a raging furnace in his stomach and a brain running a billion miles an hour. Or being enraged. Either one makes a lot of heat!]

That makes sense. Beer’s pretty fucking fizzy. You get that white mustache thing if you drink it too quickly. [Flaming drinks! Yay!] Dude, I know! Flaming cocktails are great. And it’s way fun to smash a bottle of high proof alcohol and watch things go up in flames. Heh, fucking classic.

Oh! We should split a Scorpion Bowl! It’s a flaming drink you and another person (or more) share with long straws. It’s fruity too, so you’d probably like it!

[Excitement rising. Buddy-levels rising. Chances of Kurt getting in trouble hanging around this flaming, excitable moron also rising. Damien would either be watching that shit from a vantage point with a huge smirk on his face while raining knives and fire down on the chaos below. Or he’d be down in there with them, beating, burning, and stabbing the shit out of anything he could because he can. Unless the possessed spaghetti route happens, at which point he’d ally with everyone else and attack the invaders. With forks and hot sauce. Logical stuff like that.]

What’s wrong with grease? I mean, don’t fucking guzzle the shit, but if you have cheese and meat, you’re gonna have some runoff. Plus tomatoes are juicy. You can always turn the pizza upside down and let it sit over some paper towels to drain it off. Or use parmesan cheese to soak up the liquid. Plenty of ways to keep enjoying it! Pizza’s fucking metal food!

[Hey, glad he can make you laugh, Kurt. Even if it’s his violent humor at work. He knows you laughed, buddy…]

Don’t worry. I won’t let the flames burn your butt. It’d be fun! Especially if you go really fast! The flames look like streamers and the glow is amazing!

[There aren’t many ways to talk him out of setting things aflame if he’s already doing it. But keeping him distracted with different things can prevent his arsonist tendencies. Aka: give him a knife and once he decides the knife would look better if you heated it up and stabbed it into a curtain, then point out there’s a lava lamp somewhere else and he’ll quickly run over there to (be disappointed) go see. Rinse and repeat. But yes, Damien will definitely try to talk Kurt into mischief. And… well… if there’s a firm compromise that Kurt won’t hang with Damien if stuff goes up in smoke, he’ll probably make an effort to reign it in.

But it’d better be really fucking fun hanging!]